Hi friends!
We're getting real today.
I find comfort in spreadsheets, data, and logistics. I love certainty, stability, and dependability. Quitting your job to travel the country, make art, and settle down THREE THOUSAND MILES AWAY is incredibly anxiety-inducing. I say this as someone with clinical anxiety but also believe it would throw anyone for a loop. It tosses financial stability and social dependability out the window. I means having to start from near zero and rebuild your career and community. But it can also be new, refreshing, and exciting.
Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I prioritized my creativity in school, at home, and even in summer camp. I loved photographing, painting, drawing, and sewing the legs of my jeans tighter and tighter. My mother supported these endeavors any way she could. At some point, my priorities were reshuffled and college and my career took on greater importance. I worked and studied, and graded and planned. I soon had no time or motivation to create.
As an educator, I see how heavily ingrained education and college are in young adults. If you want to be “successful” you need to go to college. If you work hard, you will prosper. In my early 20s was in financial and relational upheaval (to put it lightly) and I “knew” if I worked hard enough I would be okay. I continued to throw myself into work and school into my late 20s and early 30s, overextending myself and internalizing traits of perfectionism. Work harder, hopefully receive more praise, and yet continue to pull out my hair.
We don’t always talk about stretching ourselves too thin, burnout, and mental health. I think one of my biggest fears as an artist is carrying this workaholic mentality over to my art. I never want my work to become a burden but instead, be a venue for fostering creativity and community. It is an active battle to enjoy process over perfection. Still now, I find myself stuck in “analysis paralysis”, with the idea that if it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing. So I continue to plan and plan, as a means of procrastinating, and find comfort in my plans but often hesitate to put them into motion. I fear that this will continue to hold me back.
As I combat this self sabotage, I remind myself that you don’t have to have everything planned out. You don’t need to have a 5-year strategy or know precisely what your business model is right away. What you need to do is just get out and DO. Sign up for that class or the art market. Set small goals and chip away to turn that mountain back into a molehill. You’ve got this, bby!
Make art and have fun.
Much love,
Ally